Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy
by Reya McConspiring
Summary: Kyle is suffering from a disease, and he's trying hard to hold on. Good luck, dude, good luck.
1. Good Bye, Kyle

Disclaimer: Even though "South Park" is at the top of my wish list, I don't think I'll be owning it anytime in my life.

* * *

Kyle wasn't at school for the whole week. His friends were getting worried.

"Dude, where's Kyle?" Stan asked his friends one recess.

"Mmph shmph."

"Yeah, probably sick," Cartman said.

"Dude, that's mean. We're going over there after school," said Stan angrily.

"M'kay, Shmph."

"Dude, take off the frickin' parka, I can't understand a word," said Stan.

"Mm erly?"

"Yeah, really!"

"Thm hmph cmph ymph?"

"JUST DO IT!"

"Mm jmph-!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Cartman. "Just do it, Kenneh."

Kenny pulled down the hood of his parka.

"Damn you."

Cartman laughed.

"Kenny! You look like a faggot!"

"Dude! He's better-looking than you!"

"Are you gay, Stan?" Cartman said.

"No! I actually had a girlfriend, fatass!"

"Had! HAD, Stan!" Cartman objected.

"You've never talked to a girl without insulting her, Cartman!" Kenny said.

"Change of subject," Stan said. "So, this afternoon? Kyle's house?"

"Ew, Jew's house!"

"Hey, you've been to his house tons of times!" Stan said.

"Yeah, and I regret them all!" said Cartman.

"Shut up," sighed Kenny.

After school ended, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny headed to Kyle's house.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Ike, Kyle's 3-year-old little brother, opened the door.

"Uh," Stan said. "Hi, Ike. Where's Kyle? He hasn't been to school for a week now.

"Hos...," said Ike.

"Huh?" said Kenny.

"Pitttt..."

"Uh..," said Stan.

"Al," finished Ike.

"Hos. Pit. Al?" Stan repeated. He realized the word Ike said. "Oh, shit. Let's go, you guys! Thanks, Ike!"

Cartman, Kenny, and Stan ran to the hospital.

"He's dying!" Ike yelled after them.

"Dude," panted Kenny when they arrived at the hospital.

"Excuse me," Cartman said politely to a nurse. "Do you know wear a Jewish boy wearing an ushanka is?"

"Oh, yes," answered the nurse, pointing to a room.

"Thank you," Cartman said, walking towards the room. Kenny and Stan quickly followed.

"Never knew you could be so nice," laughed Kenny.

"Ah, go fuck yourself," replied Cartman, opening the door.

It was such a sad scene. Kyle was dressed in hospital wear, and it looked like he lost a million pounds. He was as pale as a ghost and it looked like nearly every ounce of energy, almost every inch of life just disappeared.

"Kyle."

Kyle slowly turned to his three friends.

"You guys?" he whispered.

Sheila and Gerald looked up at the three of them.

"Oh, thank you so much for being here! Kyle was begging for you three, but I couldn't reach any of you," Sheila said, and it looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"All three of us?" Kenny echoed in an I-don't-believe-it voice.

"Yes. Eric, Stan, Kenny," Gerald answered.

"Cartman?" Kyle said.

Cartman turned to Kyle. "Yeah?"

"You know I've never hated you, right?"

"Yeah. I've never hated you, either," Cartman replied softly.

There was short pause, and at the same time, they screamed their usual insults.

"JEW!" "FATASS!"

The room was filled with unusual laughter.

"Well, we'll give you all some alone time," said Sheila, and she and Gerald left the room.

"Kyle, you're sick again," Cartman said.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," Kyle whispered hoarsely.

"I can't stand this," Stan said, biting his lip. He started walking towards the door, but Kenny had a firm grip on his sleeve.

"Stan, you have no idea how much it hurt to have a friend who wasn't there when I died, almost permanently," he said, looking at him with pain and anger in his eyes. "Do you know what my last words were, Stan? Do you know?!"

"You know what?" Stan said. "Fuck you, Kenny! Fuck you! You don't know how hard it was for me to watch you die!"

"Shut up!" Cartman said. "Kyle's dying and the last thing he would want to see if you two fighting! Now I want to fight with Kyle, so let me, you fucking assholes!"

"Kyle is not going to die," Stan whispered softly to himself.

The two watched Kyle and Cartman fight, and they both seemed to be enjoying themselves.

"I'm interrupting now," Kenny said, walking in front of Cartman.

"'Ey!" Cartman said, quite angrily.

"Kyle, what...do you have?" Kenny asked.

"They don't know," Kyle said.

"What?!" exclaimed Stan. "How are they supposed to fucking treat you if they don't know what you have!"

"I don't know," whispered Kyle.

Suddenly Sheila and Gerald entered the room.

"We're leaving soon, Kyle."

Kyle turned to his parents. "Why?" he asked, and everyone but Kyle himself twitched, and anyone could tell they were in just as much pain as Kyle.

"We're going to San Francisco, where Dr. Doctor told us to go to find the cure for Kyle's sickness. And it's not contagious," answered Gerald.

"B-but you can't go! W-what if..." Stan gulped the words he wanted to say refused to come out.

"What if Kyle dies in San Francisco?" Kenny said, with no emotion on his face.

_Why could Kenny say everything he wanted to, but I have loads of trouble doing so? thought Stan._

"Then...I don't know," Gerald said.

"Then they're going to have a funeral back here in South Park," answered Kyle firmly.

"Can you walk, Kyle?" Stan asked.

"I can sure try, Stan."

The next day, every friend of the Broflovkis were at the airport, saying good-bye.

Kyle approached Cartman, Kenny, and Stan.

"Bye, you guys," he said softly.

"You know what? Hug him," Kenny said, and they all hugged him.

"Group hug with a Jew! Gross!" Cartman said. "This is so gay!"

"Shut up, fatass," Stan said, grinning.

Cartman didn't speak.

"Kyle, come on!" yelled Sheila, holding Ike in her arms.

"Yeah, Kyle!" said Gerald, who was carrying all the luggages and suitcases.

The three stopped hugging Kyle, and he, with all the energy he could muster, walked with his family up the plane.

"Are you crying, Cartman?" Kenny said.

"What?! No! It's my fucking allergies," said Cartman.

Stan sighed. "See you later, Kyle."


	2. Hello, Kyle

Ta-da, it has ended.

And I still don't own South Park!

* * *

Two months. Two months. Stan knew Kyle would be back now. He paced back and forth, waiting for the door to knock, for him to answer it, and for Kyle to be there, grinning and not sick anymore. Neither Cartman nor Kenny could take Kyle's place. Neither could Butters or Tweek. Cartman and Kenny both pestered Stan to find a temporary replacement for Kyle, but he refused every time.

Knock. Knock.

Stan stopped pacing, and stared at the door. Could it be Kyle? He walked to the door and opened it.

No. It wasn't Kyle. It was Cartman.

"Stan! Stan! Kyle's back!" Cartman said.

Stan could hug Cartman for that, but decided against it.

"Where?!" Stan asked.

"T-the hospital. Bastard's better, but he's still sick."

Stan looked at Cartman, then grabbed his collar.

"This better not be a lie, you fag!" threatened Stan. "Kyle was in that hippie city for two months, and you're telling me he's not fucking better?!"

Cartman looked at Stan, trying to act brave. "No, I'm not lying, Stan! The Jew is in the hospital! But they know what he's suffering from! In San Francisco, it was only worse!"

"Then why were they there for two fucking months?!" Stan yelled, not loosening his grip on Cartman's collar.

"I don't know!"

"Well, what's the disease or whatever?"

"Broken heart."

Stan let go of Cartman's collar, and the boy fell. He quickly got up again.

"What?" Stan said when Cartman got up.

"Broken. Heart," repeated Cartman.

"Dude, that's a frickin' exaggeration!" Stan said.

"Well, I know why Jew boy got a broken heart," Cartman said.

"Spill," Stan said.

"The week before Kyle was sick, he and Bebe had a fight."

"That's it?!"

"Let me finish, you son of a bitch!"

Stan shut up.

"And they broke up. Then, Bebe, either to show that she was over him or to make Kyle jealous, got with Clyde. Kyle, being the wuss that he is-" Stan glared at him. "-got upset. They got into another fight, a huge one, I suppose, and Bebe must've said some words that stung really badly, and Kyle's heart was broken."

"Hey, Wendy broke my heart," Stan said. "I didn't end up in the hospital."

"That's because Kyle's a wuss and you're not."

Stan glared at him again.

"Okay, okay. It was his first time with a girl, he got sensitive. Geez," Cartman scoffed.

"I'm going there," Stan said. He wanted to see his friend. He needed to see his friend. He needed to help.

"Fine," Cartman said.

Stan stepped out of his house, closed the door, and ran to the hospital and quickly as possible. Cartman followed.

Kenny was waiting for the two of them.

"In here," he said softly, leading them to the same room they visited two months ago.

Kyle was sitting up, his right cheek resting on his right hand. He seemed to be deep in thought.

"Hey," Kenny said. "Hey, Kyle. Stan's here."

Kyle looked at Stan.

"Hey, Kyle," Stan said.

"Cartman told you, right?" Kyle said.

"That's supposed to be a greeting?" Stan heard Kenny whisper to Cartman, and Cartman snickered in reply.

"Um, yeah," Stan said, a bit confused.

"Do you know how weak and gay that is, Stan?" Kyle asked.

"Uh, no," Stan answered truthfully.

"A fucking broken heart," Kyle said. "A fucking broken heart! Over a fucking girl! That makes me a fucking wuss!"

"Yeah, does Kyle the Wussy Jew need a wussy little wuss hug?" Cartman taunted.

"Shut up, you fucking son of a bitch!" Kyle shot back.

Stan placed a hand on Kyle's shoulder.

"Dude, don't try to hide it. I know that Bebe-"

Kyle covered his ears with his hands and buried his face in his knees. "Shut up, Stan! I don't want to hear your sympathy right now!"

Stan took a step back, surprised.

"J-just leave, okay!"

Kenny nodded. "Yeah, let's go."

Suddenly Stan felt angry. He mourned for Kyle for two months, and when he returned, he acted snobby and sorry for himself.

"You dickhead!" Stan said, and raised an arm to punch Kyle. Kenny and Cartman held him back.

"Hey, you don't know what I'm going through!"

"'What I'm going through' my ass!" replied Stan. "My heart was broken, too, you fucking asswipe! It's exactly what I went through, except worse! You're just a wuss and didn't suck it up!"

"At least I didn't go goth!" Kyle said.

"No, you went wuss!" Stan said.

"For all people know," interrupted Kenny. "You two are fighting like a married couple!"

Cartman laughed. "Yeah, go on, go on."

"No, I'm leaving. And I'm never come back again!" Stan exclaimed.

"Baby, I'm leaving, never to come back again!" sang Kenny.

"Dude, Jesse McCartney?" Cartman said, staring at Kenny.

"Why are you staring? I know I'm sexy, but I never knew you-"

"Ah, shut up," Cartman said, scowling.

"How do you know Jesse McCartney?" questioned Kenny.

Stan broke free of Kenny and Cartman's grip and slapped Kyle. Then he stormed out, making sure to slam the door as hard as he could.

Kenny and Cartman looked at Kyle, whose head was turned from the slap. His cheek was getting swollen.

Kenny spoke.

"Yep, married couple, all right."

The following day, Saturday, Stan looked for Wendy, who was talking to Bebe near the bus stop.

"Wendy, you've got to help me."

Wendy turned to Stan. "Excuse me, Bebe."

Stan said, "Kyle and I had a fight yesterday in the hospital."

His girlfriend replied, "Kyle? I visited him yesterday; I gave him a rose-!"

"Wendy!"

"Sorry. Yes, and you want me to do what about it?"

"No, just give me advice!" Stan said impatiently.

Wendy giggled.

"What?" Stan said, dumbfounded.

"Nothing," she replied, still giggling. "Just apologize. Make it sincere and everything will be all right."

"Everything's not all right!" Stan protested. "Kyle's dying! My best friend is dying!"

"I'll help him feel better," Wendy said. "I know exactly what to do."

"How did I end up with a girl like you?" Stan said, smiling.

"Shut up," Wendy said, kissing Stan.

Bebe interrupted their long kiss.

"Hello?!" she yelled.

Stan and Wendy pulled away and glared at Bebe.

"We're busy here!" Wendy exclaimed. Then she sighed. "See you, Stan." She walked back to Bebe. Stan could here their conversation as he slowly walked to the hospital.

"Yeah, Clyde's a bastard, huh?" Wendy said.

"Yeah, I hate him," Bebe added.

Stan looked back, confused, but didn't stop walking.

"Kyle, I'm sorry."

Kyle looked at him, puzzled. "What?"

"I'm sorry for shouting at you yesterday. I'm sorry for slapping you."

"Apology accepted," Kyle grumbled. "And I'm sorry for insulting you."

"It's all right, dude," Stan accepted.

Suddenly they grinned and high-fived.

Quickly after, Kyle doubled over in pain.

"Kyle?!" Stan said worriedly.

"Nah," Kyle said painfully. "It's normal."

Ring. Ring.

Stan looked at his phone.

"Wendy," Kyle said, before Stan could say anything. "I know. Go."

Stan stepped outside the room.

"Hello?'

"Stan!"

"Hey."

"I know!"

"Yeah, yeah, don't remind me twice, dude, you know everything."

"No, I mean, I found the cure!"

"Cure? For Kyle?"

"No duh!"

"Well, what is it?"

"It's a who."

"Who?"

"Yeah."

"Well, who?"

"Bebe!"

"Bebe?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, come over with Bebe and cure Kyle! What are you waiting for, Cartman to admit he loves Jews?"

"Love you!"

They hung up. Stan burst back into the room.

"Kyle! Kyle, Wendy knows how to cure you!" Stan exclaimed happily.

"Wendy?" Kyle said. "Well, what?"

"Bebe," Stan said.

Kyle looked Stan, obviously not believing him. "Bebe?"

"STANNNN!" a voice yelled, and two people entered the room.

Stan stared at Wendy. "I love you, too?"

"No time for that! How can you say that at a time like this?" Wendy said, obviously not understanding a word.

"How far did you run?" Stan said, grabbing her arm.

Wendy hugged Stan's middle, and fourteen-year-old Stan, who had gotten over his habit of throwing up his guts, looked at her, confused.

"We'll leave you two alone," said Stan, dragging Wendy out of the room.

Kyle and Bebe stared at each other.

"So...," Kyle said softly.

"Wendy dragged me here," Bebe explained.

"Yeah, I could tell. Did you beat her up before finally agreeing?" asked Kyle.

"Yeah," giggled Bebe. "She was running, talking, and trying to get away from my punches. I actually feel sorry."

"No wonder she looked so woozy. Poor girl, with school and such," snickered Kyle.

"So, listen," Bebe said, grabbing a chair and sitting down. "I only got with Clyde because I wanted to make you jealous."

Kyle looked at her. "Why? Why would you want me to be jealous?"

"Be-because!" Bebe said, balling her hands into fists. "Weren't you with Heidi?"

"Heidi?" Kyle said, his eyes widening in surprise. "Why the hell Heidi? Where the fuck did you hear that shit?"

"It was a rumor," Bebe said, returning his look of surprise.

"We really are popular, aren't we?" Kyle said, laughing nervously.

"Yeah. Kyle, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have listened to those rumors, I didn't know you would end up being like this," Bebe said sincerely.

"Apology accepted." Kyle smiled. "Guess I won't need these wires and shit."

On Monday, Kyle was back with Bebe, and back at school. Everyone greeted him.

"Aww, how cute," Wendy said, and Stan smirked.

"Yeah. See, Kyle? You are not a wuss," Stan said.

"I thank Bebe," Kyle said, turning to his girlfriend.

"Oh, no," Wendy said. "Run, Stan, they're going to make mushy-gushy faces at each other! Gross!"

"Ew!" yelled Stan, and they ran away.

"What the fuck was that?" Kyle asked.

"Ah, leave them be," Bebe said, grinning. "They just needed to excuse themselves to make out."


End file.
